I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
