Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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