That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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