no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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