dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
