haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I AM VODKA MAN
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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