I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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