i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
