Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
