Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
