It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
