Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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