I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
