I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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