Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
