Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
