Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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