uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
