So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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