we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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