I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sobbing to NWA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
