i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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