let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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