I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
