I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
