why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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