She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize