You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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