so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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