I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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