I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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