seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize