after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
