She is in my trunk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
