Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
