'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
