We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
