we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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