I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
