Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
