How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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