You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
