She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
