if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
