Welp...herpes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So apparently I’m into choking now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
