no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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