Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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