in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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