I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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