Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
