I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
