we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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