I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
