fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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