Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
