After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
