Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
