The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
